Ani MollerOne o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock rock

I’ve had a bad back for as long as I can remember. It cracks every time I stretch, aches in the morning, gets worse in the winter, and makes me feel like a 70-year-old woman. All thanks to two people.

The first accident happened when I was about 7. It was back when it was legal to not have seatbelts in the back seat of a car. My nana was driving my sister and I somewhere and had pulled into a turning lane with her indicator on. Some stupid woman smashed into the back of my nana’s Morris Minor (what a great car) at about 60kph without braking. My sister and I flew into the front seats and got a little bit hurt. That woman was really stupid. Mostly because we were 20 metres from my nana’s house so we all went back there in shock and some random woman made me tea with sugar. I hate tea with sugar.

The second accident was really the one that bunged my back. I was 11 and playing indoor netball for school. I was at the centre line and went to grab the ball, but a guy from the other team – Raffe Smith, a name I’ll never forget – somehow managed to land square on my back. I remember going home that night in agony, unable to turn my head to either side, and then having to go to physiotherapy because I’d really hurt my back.

From that day on, I’ve always had a bad back. I went to the chiropractor once when I was about 16, but the guy was scary, didn’t tell me much and just randomly cracked my back and it freaked me out. So I never went back. Fast forward almost a decade later, and I’m in agony with my back again and end up forcing myself to see a chiropractor.

I found a really great chiropractor in the city who practices Gonstead chiropractic therapy. I’ve had x-rays taken, he measures the temperature of my vertebrae each time I go to check inflammation, and gives me exercises to do on a physio ball. Still, my back hurts like a motherfucker, because thanks to Raffe Smith, I have developed scoliosis. Scoliosis!? I didn’t even know you could develop scoliosis. I thought it was something you were born with. But apparently not. I managed to leave my bad back for long enough to turn into a mutant with a curved spine. A mutant.

So now I am in my mid-twenties with a back like an old lady. The only thing I can really do is move somewhere warmer because the cold makes it worse. Somewhere close to the beach. With palm trees even. Thanks Raffe.