Ani MollerZero content, 100% of the time

Back in October last year, I wrote that Manchester had the worst weather in the world. Back then, it was gloomy and wet, and had just finished a really shitty British summer. The closest thing to a nice summer I thought I could wish for would be going to Spain again sometime this year. Apparently, I’m wrong though.

The last two weeks have been strangely great. For the past few days, we have had highs of 28ºC. Right now, I am sitting on my terrace with my cat, five stories up, in the shade, at 6:30pm, and it is 24ºC.

For the past two days running, I have gone to the park with Lance to play frisbee. Over the weekend, a bunch of us went to Roundhay Park in Leeds (700 acres of serious hugeness) and sat near the lake and drunk beer (except me because oh, I don’t drink beer). I’m finding myself extremely surprised by this weather. Obviously so much that I’m writing about it.

The problem with this wonderful weather, however, is that most British buildings are built for typical British weather – that is, cold and rainy. This means that my brand new office building that is so new that we are the first tenants and the outside is shiny doesn’t have air-conditioning. I also sit next to the window that gets all the morning sun. Today, it was 33ºC at my desk. I also had a little sweat patch on my shirt underneath my left arm.

I tell you, it’s not supposed to be this hot in Manchester. It just isn’t. I tell you, this is global warming. I’m only half complaining.

As I was waiting for P to take a photo this afternoon, I leaned against a pole and chatted to my friend Lance. Two women walked past us, a woman and her daughter I think. As they walked past P, two scallies walked past the women going the other way. As they walked past them, one of the scally chaps slapped the daughter on the ass. I saw this happen, but she didn’t turn around – I guess she tried to pretend it didn’t happen. I watched them as they walked past, and as they did, the other one had the fucking cheek to walk over to me, not say anything and slap my ass. Not being one to pretend things like that don’t happen, I turned around and yelled at them, “Fuck off! Keep your hands to yourself, you grubby little scally.”

I seriously can’t believe some filthy little chav scum had the balls to come up to me and touch my backside. Scallies – scum of the fucking UK.

I’ve been having really vivid dreams recently. A few nights ago it was about Tom Cruise, then there was a dream about my dad taking my sister away from me and saying I was never allowed to see her again, which left me really upset when I woke up.

Last night, I dreamt I had a nose job. I remember looking in the mirror at my new nose, which was only slightly smaller at the tip, and thinking it looked like shit. It had those weird plastic looking dimples that you get on really shitty rhinoplasties, like Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett. I remember feeling really, really disappointed and wishing I had my old nose back. Then I woke up with my nicely born-with and slightly bulbous-tipped nose. Yey!

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What this actually means is:

1. You can link to my shit.
2. You can quote stuff I write on your own site as long as you attribute the quote to me (and please, make it a witty one!).
3. You may post a photo of mine you like on your site, but only in reference to something I have written/a project I have done, but you must attribute it to me and provide a link to my site. However you must host the image on your own server as I have turned off hot-linking because, yo, that shit is stink.
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I know this sounds snarky, but god damn, I am sick of people from LiveJournal hot-linking my images. Get a server, dudes.

• Michael Jackson’s trial and acquittal
• Apple moving to Intel chips
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ “relationship”
• Schappelle Corby’s trial and conviction

Actually, I might change my mind about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Especially if they get engaged in the next few weeks. BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT NEWS.

Back in March, I got a Nintendo DS. I wondered how long it would take for me to develop a nasty claw hand. Well, no need to wonder anymore, because I have one. In fact, I can hardly type this, use a mouse, wank off a horse, or scoop icecream.

I hadn’t really played my DS much recently, because only a very few games have been released since March, and only two that I would consider buying (Yoshi and Pac-Pix) if I weren’t shit poor. So I loaded my DS with Zookeeper, and put it in the bathroom instead of reading month-old Citylife magazines, which always smell like homeless people. The time trial is perfect for those bathroom moments. The only problem is that I can’t beat my own high scores. I’m too good for myself.

My current high scores are:
Normal: 2,890,770
Tokoton: 3,622,680
Time Trial: 1,397,380

Beat my scores so I can try to beat yours!

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