Ani MollerZero content, 100% of the time

• Everywhere is uncomfortable – the mattress doesn’t work with the bed frame so we have to sleep on the floor. I don’t have a proper desk or desk chair, instead I have a round metal outdoor table and chair, which is really fucking uncomfortable. The couch cushions were smooshed by someone considerably heavier than me, and there is no way I’m going to replace them because I never knew how expensive cushions were.
• It’s not private – we have loads of windows, which is nice for an apartment, but some of those windows are in a 12ft glass dome that looks out on at least 50 apartments and has no blinds. Our flat is so small that someone on the other side of the road at our level could see all of our house and everything we’re doing.
• It’s too small – I don’t know what the square footage is but it feels like 250sqft. And my boyfriend works from home. We have a living area, and a pokey bedroom. This does not work with two people when one works from home. Let me assure you.
• It’s fucking dusty – the floorboards in the living area weren’t laid properly and have big cracks between them. The cracks are such that shit can’t be swept or vaccumed up from them. Also, Manchester is so polluted that nasty black car shit dust is always ending up on stuff. Gross.
• It’s broken – the oven and hobs are wired incorrectly and the fuse likes to break. All the appliances are brown and from the ’70s. The toaster says “Made in West Germany”. The fridge ices up so badly that even if it is on low it will freeze up enough in a month that the trays have been taken hostage and the ice is trying to eat our condiments. The hot water cylinder has been leaking onto the terrace and ground 5-floors below for over a year. The windows and doors all have gaps. Wood around and underneath the bath tub is rotten. Two door handles are half-falling off and one can’t be fixed because it’s been screwed in too many times and the wood is full of holes.
• It’s stinky and gross – this is due to dust and the fact that it wasn’t cleaned properly before we moved in. The people who lived here before us were heavy smokers, and we had to throw loads of stuff away because it was yellow and covered in sticky tar. The walls are stained yellow.
• It’s noisy – at the end of the street is a stupid bar for stupid people and a stupid Greek restaurant for stupid drunk women. About twice a week the Greek restaurant brings about 20 customers out on the street at about midnight to dance in a circle and scream. The stupid bar for stupid people just has stupid drunk people that come out at 2am and scream like they are being raped and/or murdered. Naturally, this wakes me up a lot.
• Our landlord wanted to put our rent up an extra £100 a month – I don’t need to elaborate on this one. Crack. Squirrels.

I can’t wait to leave. ONE MORE MONTH.

As I am leaving Manchester next month, I am going to try and make some lists of things in Manchester that might help people who are moving here or who live here already. Hopefully. Probably not though because it’s not like I ever leave the house.

When I moved to Manchester last July, it took me a while to get a job. I got a temporary job in about a week or two, but it took me about month-and-a-half before I got a permanent job. There wasn’t really that much going last July, so I really couldn’t be too picky. It was totally obvious that some of the agencies I used were shite and I would not be surprised if it was because I only had a 2-year working visa being from New Zealand. I ended up getting my job through Manchester Online, so I guess nothing that follows matters anyway.

Good Employment Agencies
Forrest Recruitment
The office was a bit shabby and the staff aren’t the most professional, but they got me a good temp job very quickly (although on a shitty wage). I didn’t have any problems getting paid and they wrote a letter which helped me set up my bank accounts and get a flat.

Search
The woman I dealt with (who has now left) was excellent and got me a couple of interviews for good positions. They didn’t get me a job, but I was only with them for a week or two before I was offered a permanent job.

Office Angels
I didn’t get any positions through Office Angels, but they were often calling me up (when I was still temping) and offering me new positions. They seemed to have quite a bit of work on their books.

Brook Street
They were very professional and got me an interview for a position that was exactly what I wanted. Sadly, I didn’t get it because they decided to hire an internal person instead of me but never mind!

Connections
I didn’t have any luck with Connections myself, but I used them to help permanently fill my position when I was temping (I should have taken the temp job permanently because the money was excellent, but it was just too boring). Connections sent loads of good candidates (as did Office Angels) and the person that was offered the job was from that agency.

Sucky Employment Agencies
Randstad
I got an excellent permanent job through Randstad in Houston, and they were an excellent company to use with excellent account managers. However, the one in Manchester sucked. They didn’t get me any interviews or temporary jobs, and certainly not a permanent job!

Reed
Nothing describes them more than shit. They were shit. They never returned my calls and the people at the front desk were rude.

The Place Across the Road from Brook Street on Mosley
I can’t remember what they were called but I think it started with “L”. They sucked the most. They refused to put me on their books because I was a foreigner and didn’t have an indefinite work permit (i.e., permanent residency or naturalised). Fuck you, cunts!

I went to Eastbourne last weekend, where we stayed with the lovely Dan. Eastbourne is the sort of town you go to to die – except not in a “I’m going to spend my last few months in this beautiful town” way. Rather, apparently you hit an age, being British, where you decide that the city/town/countryside is too shit and you’d much rather die in a shit town that happens to be by the sea. I guess the elderly Eastbournians can love it despite the large number of scallies and townie rascals. Basically, Eastbourne is just like any other English town with the addition of a stoney beach and some seagulls that don’t live entirely off of inner-city rubbish.

Some highlights of Eastbourne include: the pasty shop, the fish and chip shop, the pound store, and the nightclub at the end of the pier (I find this distinctly foreign – the only piers I’ve ever seen in New Zealand are the ones old men fish from, young kids jump into the sea from, and the ones that boats moor themselves to. I didn’t realise they had any other use.) We also enjoyed the screams of townies leaving the bars on the street below in the early hours of the morning. They were loud, by the way.

It wasn’t all bad though – the beach is actually quite nice, although strangely unsalty smelling (just like Dubai). If I were blind, I probably wouldn’t have realised I was at the beach. You know, with the rocks and the lack of sea smell, although all the old people might have been a bit of a giveaway. The buildings were generally quite pretty – from the front. Apparently the promenade is like a Hollywood film set, with pretty facades and wooden stilts surrounded by litter on the derriere. However, we had fun sitting on Dan’s roof terrace and chilling in the lounge while the boys discussed the pros and cons of PSP hacks.

We went to Brighton for the day on the Saturday, which was met with many aww shits from Peter and I. It turns out that Brighton is fucking awesome. It is so much like Wellington that it’s just odd. It’s by the sea, has loads of cool boutiquey stores, some even with incense burning (the smell of Cuba St), we had lunch at a sushi restaurant, drinks at a pub, and every time we walked outside we were surrounded by funky looking Wellington-esque hippies. It was very weird. We both decided that we wished we would have known about Brighton before we moved to Manchester. Although it is apparently very expensive to live, I think it would probably be worth it. I bet the quality of life there is much greater than in poo-filled Manchester. And it’s still only about an hour away from London.

Conclusion: Brighton is awesome, Eastbourne is a dump, Manchester is slightly less of a dump, and Jonty has a wonderful ginger beard.