Current Events


9
May 05

“Violent Video Games Are Like Porn”

California lawmakers approve a bill to ban the sale of violent video games to minors.

“For the same reason we don’t allow kids to buy pornography, cigarettes, or alcohol, we shouldn’t allow them to go to stores and buy video games that teach them to do the very things we put people in jail for–abusing women, joining street gangs, killing police officers, or even assassinating President Kennedy,” said Yee, a child psychologist, referring to scenarios in some video games.

I once saw a guy stick a beach ball up his ass and then two massive dildos the size of small dogs, but I never wanted to try it out. Nor did I ever want to stick eels in my fanny just to let them wiggle out. I also never wanted to have nails like this:


2
Apr 05

I Will Not Be Terri Schiavo

I am too poor to have a lawyer, thus:

  • If I end up in a coma, I want to be kept alive if there is a chance I might wake up and become a ninja
  • If I turn into a tomato, I do not want to be kept alive
  • If I turn into a tomato, I do not want my face to be on television, unless it is a video that proves I am not actually a tomato; or photos of me posing in a sexy and untomato manner
  • My sister Kerry will get the golden PSP

26
Feb 05

More Celebrity Sidekicks Hacked

In a follow-up from Paris Hilton’s well-publicised account hack 5 days ago, it turns out that Fred Durst was also targeted. However, his was slightly different in that I haven’t seen his address book and notes, but I have seen penis photos and a 3-minute video of him fucking a chick doggie-style. Soon to be infamous Fred Durst quotes include, “Ooh, yeah, touch my balls and my ass”. You couldn’t make this up.

26/2: And now for a little something I’d like to add to this post because it is just too excellent – a video of Fred Durst playing his guitar like the Real Ultimate Rockstar™ he is.


11
Dec 04

Dakota Smith: Floodz0red

I just found out that my friend Dakota Smith managed to get his house flooded on the 22nd of November. The flood destroyed most of his and his girlfriend’s possessions – notably two iPods, an iBook, a PC, a PA, and two guitars. It’s a total bummer. He has a gallery on Flickr with photos of the flood’s aftermath.

He does have insurance, but the damages went over his policy. If you feel even somewhat generous today, please donate $1 to help him out. Helping is nice.


10
Dec 04

Lindsay Lohan’s Lost Wallet

Ms. Lindsay Lohan, actress in such brilliant movies as Mean Girls and Freaky Friday and well known for having apparently fake tits at the tender age of 18, lost her wallet in NYC. It was found, and her driver’s license and credit card were subsequently scanned and posted on the internet. This is somewhat amusing, but the fact that the wallet finder also allegedly found a baggie of cocaine and is now being threatened to be sued by Ms. Lohan’s publicist and/or family – well, that’s just classic.

View her driver’s license here

View the email that started it all here

Sorry for the terrible grammar and punctuation, obviously finding a celebrity’s socialite’s wallet doesn’t give you English skills.

Someone has pointed out that IMDB lists her middle name as Morgan, not Dee, but I’m quite sure that’s her. At least, the birthdates are the same and the photo looks like her.

Thanks to The Superfical for leading me to this incredibly important news!


3
Nov 04

US Presidential Election

Today is the day Americans will vote for the next “most powerful man in the world”. I’m sure there will be scandal, mayhem, vote recounts, more scandal, and we probably won’t have a “winner” for a while yet.

I think generally the whole American democratic system is flawed, and I find the Electoral College utterly weird.

On November 2, 2004, voters cast their ballots for a presidential candidate. However, votes actually count towards a group of electors who pledge to vote for a specific candidate when the Electoral College meets in December.

Those Electoral College votes only count for a mere 538 votes. For example, the entire State of Wisconsion, with a population of ~5.5 million people, is decided by only 10 Electoral College votes.

I can only hope that one day the whole system will be reformed, as the US elections now affect the rest of the world more than ever before.


17
Jun 03

The ANZUS treaty.

I was chatting to a friend from Australia tonight and the ANZUS treaty briefly came up.

For those who do not know, the ANZUS treaty is (was) a security treaty between Australia, New Zealand, and the United States that was instated in 1951. In the mid-80′s, New Zealand passed an anti-nuclear bill that prohibited nuclear-powered vessels, or those carrying nuclear weapons, from New Zealand waters and from docking in New Zealand ports. This caused a huge rift, and now the U.S. doesn’t love us because we wouldn’t do what they wanted. (Read a very interesting paper about the treaty and rift here.)

Anyway, so I was talking to my friend and realised that ANZUS looks suspiciously like ANUS.

That is all.


4
Jan 00

Why Y2K Was Amusing

A US video shop customer who gave back a rental cassette a day late was billed for more than $US90,000 ($174,114) – after a Y2K-bugged computer calculated it was 100 years overdue. Terry Field, the owner of Super Video in New York, said: “Everything was fine until the first customer returned a tape that was due back on December 31. We were shocked to find out that the computer was charging him for a 100 year-late charge, which was $91,250.” The cashier at Super Video was forced to manually recalculate the overdue charge at today’s prices: $US2.50.

Dennis Olson, a 41-year-old Wisconsin electrical engineer and computer consultant, spent $US20,000 ($NZ38,692) buying food, drinking water, a generator and medical supplies preparing for Year 2000 computer problems. Olson, who has a wife and two teenage sons, may donate some of the provisions to charity, including 400 boxes of Hamburger Helper, 80kg of pasta, 50 bars of soap and nine tubes of toothpaste. “It’s a little bittersweet to see it end this way,” Olson said.

Millennium bug computer glitches added a century to some Italian jail sentences and knocked 100 years off others. Officials in a court in Naples found that prisoners looking forward to release next Monday (Jan 10) had, according to their computer records, been detained 100 years too long and should have been released on January 10, 1900. Others whose sentences were due to have ended in December 1999 could look forward to another century behind bars, while thouse awaiting hearings also had an extra 100 years to wait.

The United States yesterday recovered full use of a critical spy satellite system, its most significant known casualty of the Year 2000 computer glitch. The ground link that processes the satellites’ feed “returned to full operational status this morning” after repairs were wrapped up overnight, Defence Department spokeswoman Susan Hansen said. The incident marked a rare disclosure of a failure in the constellation of spy satellites that is at the heart of the $US29 billion-a-year ($NZ56.1 billion-a-year) US intelligence establishment.

A prison inmate in Concord, New Hampshire, sewed his eyes and lips shut with dental floss because he feared the new year. New Hampshire State Prison guards said they found the prisoner, who was serving time on a drug charge, in his cell, covered in baby powder and clutching a bible. He was afraid of the oncoming year, a prison spokesman said.

Two people died and about three dozen others were rescued as they attempted to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to celebrate the new millennium. American Janepher Stephen, 51, collapsed at 19,445 feet and a post mortem would be performed to determine the cause of death. German Werner Hoain, 55, died at 15,510 feet, and an unidentified guide said he was having breathing problems before he collapsed.

A customer of a Cologne savings bank found $NZ3.89 billion in his account when checking his balance online, possibly as a result of a Y2K error in the bank’s online banking software.

An Indianapolis woman gave birth to twins born just two minutes apart – one at 11:59 on December 31, 1999, and one on 12:01 on January 1, 2000, placing their births in different years, centuries and millennia. The birth of Jacob Wallman and sister Jordan was no accident; mother Julie Wallman, realising she needed a caesarean, asked doctors to wait until close to midnight to perform the surgery.

Monty Python rocketed into the skies on Millennium Night in characteristically bizarre style. The ashes of Graham Chapman, one of the iconoclastic founders of the zany television comedy team, were fired from a rocket over a Welsh mountain on the stroke of midnight. Chapman died of cancer 10 years ago. His final wish came true at last when his partner, David Sherlock, arranged the memorable send-off.

Church bells in Bonate Sotto, Italy have sounded a discordant note due to Y2K. The computer-regulated clock on a church campanile in the small town was sent out of sync in the rollover to 2000 when the bells chimed at 6.15am on New Year’s Day intead of later in the day. When the system was checked, the computer had recorded the date of 1980 instead of 2000.

I think the Y2K bug is when people lose their minds. Retards.

Source: Hawkes Bay Today, January 4, 2000