Lists


9
Feb 06

Four Things

I just can’t, I just can’t, I just can’t stop the meme.

Four jobs I’ve had
McDonald’s “chef”
Paint can label sticker onner
Petroleum transfer technician
Indie publishing company assistant

Four movies I can watch over and over
Labyrinth
Zoolander
The Royal Tenebaums
Tonari no Totoro

Four places I’ve lived
Wellington, New Zealand
Austin, Texas
Houston, Texas
Manchester, England

Four TV shows I love
Lost
24
Friends
Any documentary

Four places I’ve had a holiday
Antwerp, Belgium
Venice, Italy
Monte Carlo, Monaco
Melbourne, Australia

Four of my favorite dishes
Tom Ga Kai
Sushi
Roast lamb and vegetables
Vegetarian couscous

Four sites I visit daily
Humhum
Consumating
The Superficial
A super secret place

Four places I would rather be right now
At a cafe in Wellington drinking a latte
On a beach somewhere like Rarotonga
In an amazing bed like at the Westin Hotel in Fort Worth
Somewhere where it isn’t winter!

Four bloggers I am tagging
Elyse Sewell
Maya
Penny
Gala


15
Jun 05

Things I Will Not Be Writing About

  • Michael Jackson’s trial and acquittal
  • Apple moving to Intel chips
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ “relationship”
  • Schappelle Corby’s trial and conviction

Actually, I might change my mind about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Especially if they get engaged in the next few weeks. BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT NEWS.


1
Mar 05

Snow!

People think it’s weird when I tell them I’m from New Zealand and have never seen it snow. It’s like people think New Zealand is freezing and it snows year round and we live in igloos or something, even though New Zealand is approximately the same distance from the Equator as Rome.

I had three chances to see snow when I was living in New Zealand:

  1. Once when I was five and it magically snowed in my backyard. I don’t remember.
  2. Once when my parents and sister drove up to the Rimutaka Ranges summit to go for a walk in the snow. I didn’t go. I think I had too much homework. My sister brought me back a snowball in a plastic bag, which stayed in the freezer for two months.
  3. The time I went skiing on Mt Ruapehu. The sky was blue the entire time I was there, it didn’t snow once, the temperature didn’t drop below about 2ºC, and the snow was icey and hard, not like real snow at all.

It’s been snowing a little bit on and off since I got back to Manchester, but never enough to make the ground white and never big snowy flakes. I was in Edinburgh last week for work and it snowed a lot. Big soft flakes. But sadly, I was on the train and only managed to fleetingly see snow on the beach as the train drove down the coastline. It was absolutely beautiful. However, this morning I was lucky enough to see real, proper snow, right here in Manchester. As I walked to work with my umbrella getting heavier and heavier, I listened to The Price of Milk soundtrack by the Moscow Symphony Orchestra and a little tear came out of my eye. What a pussy.


Ring ring, four years ago called. It wants its hat back.


24
May 04

Au revoir!

The day has finally come. Well, almost. Tomorrow I leave the United States forever.

It still hasn’t really hit me that I’m leaving tomorrow, even though tonight I’ll be sleeping on an air mattress in my completely furnitureless apartment. I’ve managed to sell or give away almost everything I own. And just like when I arrived in the States, I’m leaving with two suitcases, and that’s it. Crazy.

The plan is:

  • Arrive in Belgium on the 25th of May
  • Daytrip to Amsterdam and/or Brugge
  • Arrive in Vienna around the start of June
  • Arrive in Prague a few days after that
  • Arrive in Italy a few days after that, try to visit Venice, Rome, and possibly Tuscany
  • Arrive in Barcelona on the 14th of June, stay a week, attend the Sonar music and multimedia festival
  • Arrive in Porto, Portugal around the 20th of June, stay a week
  • Travel back to Antwerp, Belgium, hopefully stopping somewhere in the south of France, as well as Paris, on the way
  • Help the wonderful P pack his things to move to the UK
  • Arrive in Manchester around the second week of July

I am going to be seriously tired once I arrive in Manchester. Possibly even a little crazy from staying in hostels and travelling on trains for the previous two months. Possibly. I’ve never done anything like this before, so I’ll be crazy from being completely unaccustomed to being a travelling hobo-sightseer.

I will be updating along the way. And I’ll definitely be taking loads of pictures!.


19
Oct 03

Living With Flatmates

In the last four years, I have lived with nine people and have moved a total of nine times. Although moving and living with people is exciting and fun in theory, a lot of the time it isn’t. I’ve had a few bad experiences with flatmates, although none that bad. I have encountered:

  • The Lazy Bastard
  • The Chain Smoker
  • The Spoiled Brat
  • The Suicidal Druggie
  • The Hypocrite

(I have had some really awesome flatmates though. Namely, Natalie – who is the bestest, nicest person in the whole world, and Helen – who I was really good friends with, but with the help of The Spoiled Brat and The Suicidal Druggie our friendship was tarnished.)

It could have been a million times worse. I’ve heard some amusing/terrifying stories from friends about their ex-flatmates. I am thankful I have never had anyone steal from me, trash my stuff, have annoying loud parties, or poo in the shower. However, the time has come for me to be a grown-up and live alone. I mean, I am a divorcée and that’s what all good divorcées do.

I’ve always wanted to live alone, but back in New Zealand it didn’t make sense financially. Finding a reasonably priced one-bedroom is a task indeed, and I wasn’t up for that task. Sharing a house is just easier. You split the bills, you share the cleaning, you share the cooking, etc, etc. But after living in a situation where I didn’t see my flatmate, only cooked for myself, and no sort of verbal cleaning roster existed, it seemed like a good starter for living sans flatmates. Also, I got a good deal on my DSL and I can afford to pay for it myself. That is really all the matters.

I found a cute (but wonky) one-bedroom place in the same area of town as I was living before, for not much more than what I was paying to share. It is quiet, in a good neighbourhood, handy to work, and would look totally pimp if I had furniture. It is also good that it is a place that is split into four flats, and I have a shared entrance so I get to feel nice and safe. I live across the hallway from Alison and Max, who are both far too hip and good-looking. However, their hipness is countered by the fact that sometimes they play really loud tejano music (although, I could be wrong about it being tejano, but that is my uneducated white foreigner guess), but I can only hear it in the hallway which is good.

There are good things about not having flatmates.

  • I can play loud music whenever I please
  • I don’t feel guilty leaving dirty dishes in the sink
  • I can walk around naked
  • I can poo with the door open

But there are also the bad. The only two I have noticed so far is that I talk to myself an awful lot, and I dance for my cat. She stares at me with this god-you-are-so-fucking-stupid look, which is okay because I dance like Elaine and that look is perfectly acceptable for my dancing style.

I like my new place. I’m like a bachelor, but not! Now, I just need some strippers, some crappy dorm-style furnishing from Target, some dust bunnies, and a bunch of beer and I’ll be set.


25
Apr 02

How Do I Know Where You Are From?

All the time I get, “Oh! I love your accent! Where are you from?” This question is usually followed by a country, almost never the country that I am actually from. I think in the time I’ve been living in the States, I have been asked if I’m from New Zealand once, and think that someone told them before they came up to me and spoke to me. In order of popularity, people have guessed I am from these places:

  • Australia (countless)
  • England (countless)
  • South Africa (twice)
  • Brooklyn, New York (twice)
  • Scotland (once)
  • New Zealand (once)

I understand why no one guesses where I’m from because I’m sure the number of New Zealanders most Americans have heard speak is limited to Lucy Lawless, Peter Jackson and Sam Neill. But Brooklyn? The most memorable time I was asked if I was from this very cool area of New York was on the telephone and went something like this:

“Wow! That’s a Brooklyn accent if I ever did hear one! I’m from Brooklyn too! I moved to Austin a few years ago! Wow! You’re from Brooklyn!”
“Actually, I’m not.”
“You’re not? Where are you from then?”
“New Zealand. I went to Brooklyn once for a day though, although that doesn’t really count.”

I tell you, this woman was very embarrassed. And I can see why, as I would have felt rather thick too.

So, here is my guide on how to figure out if someone is from New Zealand and what not to say to them if they are.

  1. Drop something about sheep into the conversation, preferably not anything to do with shagging. If they look at you confused like, then they are probably not from New Zealand or Australia. If they tell you they are from New Zealand, don’t say anything about there being more sheep than people, because although there are, there are more sheep per capita in Australia, and everyone knows that Aussies are the real sheep shaggers. With so much choice, who wouldn’t be?
  2. If you suspect that you are talking to someone from Down Under, listen to how they say words like “chance” and “dance”. If they say it them like an American, they are Australian. If they say it like an Brit, then they are a New Zealander. It’s strange how Australia was built by convicts and they speak like Americans. Strange indeed!
  3. Ask them if they have been to New Zealand. If they haven’t, they are not a New Zealander.
  4. If they mention anything about how their country is the best in the world in sports such as rugby, netball and cricket, they will most likely be an Australian. Either that or a New Zealand who is living in the past.
  5. If you ask them if they are from Australia and they take a deep breath and roll their eyes, they are probably another poor New Zealander who gets asked that all the time.
  6. If you mention anything about koalas, kangaroos, wallabies or mammals that lay eggs and their sentence starts with, “There are no marsupials” then they are from New Zealand. Don’t try to convince them that there are such animals in New Zealand and that you’ve seen them on National Geographic, because I’m promising you, you haven’t.

Once you’ve determined what country they are from, don’t make any obvious jokes, because although it will probably be the first time you’ve said it, I’m assuring you it’s not the first time they have.

If you are one of the Kiwis who get asked where you are from all the time, you might want to spice up the normal answers with answers such as:

  1. “Here. I’ve lived here all my life.” This one sure does confuse people!
  2. “England.” Then start talking about how much you love soccer and how you like to drink lager and how you’ve never been to the dentist because stereotypes are fun!
  3. “Australia.” Then proceed to be the biggest wanker ever.

So if you’ve gone through all these steps and you think they are from New Zealand, ask them if they are Ani Moller. Because I’m pretty sure I’m the only bloody New Zealander in this country.


17
Nov 01

Every Movie I’ve Ever Watched

The following list contains almost every movie I’ve ever watched as of December 12th, 2001.  This list contains 619 titles.  There are many movies that I know I have watched but can not remember doing so, and these I left off.  The numbers after the movie title and year of release is my rating out of 10.

American Beauty (1999) 10
Edward Scissorhands (1990) 10
Fight Club (1999) 10
High Fidelity (2000) 10
Labyrinth (1986) 10
Lost Highway (1997) 10
Matrix, The (1999) 10
Mulholland Dr. (2001) 10
Ocean’s Eleven (2001) 10
Requiem for a Dream (2000) 10
Se7en (1995) 10
Vita Ë bella, La (1997) 10
Back to the Future (1985) 9
Being John Malkovich (1999) 9
Bound (1996) 9
Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 9
Buffalo ’66 (1998) 9
Chasing Amy (1997) 9
Dogma (1999) 9
Doom Generation, The (1995) 9
Election (1999) 9
Eyes Wide Shut (1999) 9
Falling Down (1993) 9
Hole, The (2001) 9
Hopeless (2000) 9
Irrefutable Truth About Demons, The (2000) 9
Jean de Florette (1986) 9
Kalifornia (1993) 9
Killing Zoe (1994) 9
Kiss the Girls (1997) 9
Manon des sources (1986) 9
Memento (2000) 9
Misery (1990) 9
Moulin Rouge! (2001) 9
Natural Born Killers (1994) 9
Office Space (1999) 9
Once Were Warriors (1994) 9
Philadelphia (1993) 9
Pi (1998) 9
Pulp Fiction (1994) 9
Rosemary’s Baby (1968) 9
Rushmore (1998) 9
Schindler’s List (1993) 9
Shallow Grave (1994) 9
Shawshank Redemption, The (1994) 9
Shining, The (1980) 9
Shrek (2001) 9
Sixth Sense, The (1999) 9
Sleepy Hollow (1999) 9
Sliding Doors (1998) 9
Stickmen (2000) 9
Stuart Little (1999) 9
Terminator, The (1984) 9
Twelve Monkeys (1995) 9
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992) 9
Unbreakable (2000) 9
Usual Suspects, The (1995) 9
Virgin Suicides, The (1999) 9
*batteries not included (1987) 8
8MM (1999) 8
Acid House, The (1998) 8
Almost Famous (2000) 8
Along Came a Spider (2001) 8
Amateur (1994) 8
American History X (1998) 8
American Movie: The Making of Northwestern (1999) 8
American Psycho (2000) 8
Assassins (1995) 8
Au revoir les enfants (1987) 8
Basketball Diaries, The (1995) 8
Beetlejuice (1988) 8
Benny & Joon (1993) 8
Best in Show (2000) 8
Blair Witch Project, The (1999) 8
Blow (2001) 8
Braindead (1992) 8
Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001) 8
Cell, The (2000) 8
Charlie’s Angels (2000) 8
Cocoon (1985) 8
Conspiracy Theory (1997) 8
Dark City (1998) 8
Dead Man (1995) 8
Disclosure (1994) 8
Eraserhead (1977) 8
Exorcist, The (1973) 8
Face/Off (1997) 8
Family Man, The (2000) 8
Firm, The (1993) 8
Forrest Gump (1994) 8
Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 8
From Hell (2001) 8
Gallipoli (1981) 8
Gattaca (1997) 8
Ghost (1990) 8
Ghostbusters (1984) 8
Gift, The (2000) 8
Girl, Interrupted (1999) 8
Go (1999) 8
Green Mile, The (1999) 8
Heavenly Creatures (1994) 8
Hush (1998) 8
Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994) 8
Jaws (1975) 8
Joy Luck Club, The (1993) 8
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) 8
Meet Joe Black (1998) 8
Meet the Parents (2000) 8
Mononoke Hime (1997) 8
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle (1994) 8
Nurse Betty (2000) 8
Others, The (2001) 8
Patriot, The (2000) 8
Perfect Murder, A (1998) 8
Permanent Midnight (1998) 8
Point Break (1991) 8
Powder (1995) 8
Rapa Nui (1994) 8
Romeo + Juliet (1996) 8
Romper Stomper (1992) 8
Saving Private Ryan (1998) 8
Scarfies (1999) 8
Secret Garden, The (1993) 8
Shadow of the Vampire (2000) 8
Silence of the Lambs, The (1991) 8
Sleeping with the Enemy (1991) 8
Snatch. (2000) 8
Stand by Me (1986) 8
State and Main (2000) 8
Stigmata (1999) 8
Summer of Sam (1999) 8
Talented Mr. Ripley, The (1999) 8
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 8
There’s Something About Mary (1998) 8
This Boy’s Life (1993) 8
Toy Story (1995) 8
Trainspotting (1996) 8
Truman Show, The (1998) 8
Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995) 8
What Lies Beneath (2000) 8
Wild Things (1998) 8
Wizard of Oz, The (1939) 8
Wo hu cang long (2000) 8
X-Men (2000) 8
10 Things I Hate About You (1999) 7
15 Minutes (2001) 7
200 Cigarettes (1999) 7
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) 7
Abyss, The (1989) 7
Addams Family, The (1991) 7
Alien (1979) 7
Alive (1993) 7
American Pie (1999) 7
Arachnophobia (1990) 7
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) 7
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) 7
Awakenings (1990) 7
Babe (1995) 7
Back to the Future Part II (1989) 7
Bad Boy Bubby (1993) 7
Baraka (1992) 7
Batman (1989) 7
Batman Returns (1992) 7
Beach, The (2000) 7
Beat (2000) 7
Big (1988) 7
Big Daddy (1999) 7
Birdcage, The (1996) 7
Blade (1998) 7
Blade Runner (1982) 7
Boogie Nights (1997) 7
Brazil (1985) 7
Breakfast Club, The (1985) 7
Broken English (1996) 7
Can’t Hardly Wait (1998) 7
Candyman (1992) 7
Cape Fear (1991) 7
Carrie (1976) 7
Casino (1995) 7
Chain Reaction (1996) 7
Chicken Run (2000) 7
Child’s Play (1988) 7
Chopper (2000) 7
City of Angels (1998) 7
Client, The (1994) 7
Clockwork Orange, A (1971) 7
Clueless (1995) 7
Color Purple, The (1985) 7
Con Air (1997) 7
Contact (1997) 7
Cop Land (1997) 7
Copycat (1995) 7
Craft, The (1996) 7
Crow, The (1994) 7
Cruel Intentions (1999) 7
Cube (1997) 7
Dark Crystal, The (1982) 7
Dazed and Confused (1993) 7
Dead Poets Society (1989) 7
Dead Ringers (1988) 7
Deliverance (1972) 7
Desperado (1995) 7
Devil’s Advocate, The (1997) 7
Die Hard (1988) 7
Doors, The (1991) 7
Driving Miss Daisy (1989) 7
Drop Dead Gorgeous (1991) (TV) 7
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) 7
Edtv (1999) 7
Enemy of the State (1998) 7
Erin Brockovich (2000) 7
Ever After (1998) 7
Everest (1998) 7
Fallen (1998) 7
Far and Away (1992) 7
Fargo (1996) 7
Fear (1996) 7
Fifth Element, The (1997) 7
Fish Called Wanda, A (1988) 7
Flatliners (1990) 7
Footrot Flats: The Dog’s Tale (1986) 7
For the Boys (1991) 7
Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) 7
Fox and the Hound, The (1981) 7
Freeway (1996) 7
Frighteners, The (1996) 7
Fugitive, The (1993) 7
Full Monty, The (1997) 7
Ghostbusters II (1989) 7
GoldenEye (1995) 7
Goldfinger (1964) 7
Gorillas in the Mist (1988) 7
Green Card (1990) 7
Groundhog Day (1993) 7
Hand That Rocks the Cradle, The (1992) 7
Happy Gilmore (1996) 7
Heartbreakers (2001) 7
Hideaway (1995) 7
Higher Learning (1995) 7
Hook (1991) 7
If These Walls Could Talk 2 (2000) (TV) 7
Instinct (1999) 7
It Could Happen to You (1994) 7
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) 7
Jesus’ Son (1999) 7
Jewel of the Nile, The (1985) 7
Jurassic Park (1993) 7
Karate Kid, The (1984) 7
L.A. Confidential (1997) 7
Lady and the Tramp (1955) 7
Last of the Mohicans, The (1992) 7
Legally Blonde (2001) 7
Legends of the Fall (1994) 7
Liar Liar (1997) 7
Life Less Ordinary, A (1997) 7
Lion King, The (1994) 7
Little Nicky (2000) 7
Little Shop of Horrors (1986) 7
Little Women (1994) 7
Lolita (1997) 7
Lost Boys, The (1987) 7
Mallrats (1995) 7
Man on the Moon (1999) 7
Man Without a Face, The (1993) 7
Mask, The (1994) 7
Mermaids (1990) 7
Mexican, The (2001) 7
Million Dollar Hotel, The (2000) 7
Mission: Impossible (1996) 7
Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) 7
Mummy Returns, The (2001) 7
Mummy, The (1999) 7
Muriel’s Wedding (1994) 7
My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) 7
My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) 7
Mystery Men (1999) 7
Nadja (1994) 7
Negotiator, The (1998) 7
Nell (1994) 7
Never Been Kissed (1999) 7
Now and Then (1995) 7
Nowhere (1997) 7
Opposite of Sex, The (1998) 7
Outbreak (1995) 7
Pelican Brief, The (1993) 7
People vs. Larry Flynt, The (1996) 7
Pet Sematary (1989) 7
Piano, The (1993) 7
Platoon (1986) 7
Pleasantville (1998) 7
Pollock (2000) 7
Poltergeist (1982) 7
Predator (1987) 7
Pretty Woman (1990) 7
Princess Bride, The (1987) 7
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) 7
Ransom (1996) 7
Replacement Killers, The (1998) 7
Reservoir Dogs (1992) 7
Ruby and Rata (1990) 7
Saturday Night Fever (1977) 7
Scream (1996) 7
Secret of My Succe$s, The (1987) 7
Shallow Hal (2001) 7
Shine (1996) 7
Sid and Nancy (1986) 7
Siege, The (1998) 7
Single White Female (1992) 7
Sixteen Candles (1984) 7
Sleepers (1996) 7
Sleepless in Seattle (1993) 7
Small Soldiers (1998) 7
So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) 7
Speed (1994) 7
Steel Magnolias (1989) 7
Stepmom (1998) 7
Strange Days (1995) 7
Swordfish (2001) 7
That Thing You Do! (1996) 7
Titanic (1997) 7
Topless Women Talk About Their Lives (1997) 7
Total Recall (1990) 7
Training Day (2001) 7
True Lies (1994) 7
Truth About Cats & Dogs, The (1996) 7
Ugly, The (1997) 7
Untamed Heart (1993) 7
Varsity Blues (1999) 7
Wallace & Gromit: The Wrong Trousers (1993) 7
Wayne’s World (1992) 7
Wayne’s World 2 (1993) 7
Wedding Singer, The (1998) 7
Whole of the Moon, The (1996) 7
Willow (1988) 7
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) 7
Witches, The (1990) 7
Wonder Boys (2000) 7
X Files, The (1998) 7
‘burbs, The (1989) 6
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) 6
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 6
Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The (1988) 6
Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, The (1994) 6
Airheads (1994) 6
America’s Sweethearts (2001) 6
Annie (1982) 6
Armageddon (1998) 6
Arrival, The (1996) 6
Artificial Intelligence: AI (2001) 6
Bad Taste (1987) 6
BASEketball (1998) 6
Batman Forever (1995) 6
Bean (1997) 6
Beavis and Butt-head Do America (1996) 6
Beverly Hills Cop (1984) 6
Bicentennial Man (1999) 6
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) 6
Blues Brothers, The (1980) 6
Bone Collector, The (1999) 6
Boy From Andromeda, The (1991) (TV) 6
Boyz N the Hood (1991) 6
Brady Bunch Movie, The (1995) 6
Braveheart (1995) 6
Bring It On (2000) 6
Bringing Out the Dead (1999) 6
Bulletproof (1996) 6
Casper (1995) 6
Cats & Dogs (2001) 6
Children of the Corn (1984) 6
Christine (1983) 6
Clerks (1994) 6
Cliffhanger (1993) 6
Cocktail (1988) 6
Cocoon: The Return (1988) 6
Coming to America (1988) 6
Cradle Will Rock (1999) 6
Crash (1996) 6
Daylight (1996) 6
Dead Calm (1989) 6
Death Becomes Her (1992) 6
Deep Impact (1998) 6
Diabolique (1996) 6
Dick (1999) 6
Die Hard 2 (1990) 6
Dirty Dancing (1987) 6
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) 6
Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead (1991) 6
Dragonheart (1996) 6
Drowning by Numbers (1988) 6
Dune (1984) 6
Earth Girls Are Easy (1989) 6
Eddie Murphy Delirious (1983) (V) 6
Eraser (1996) 6
Fame (1980) 6
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) 6
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001) 6
Fisher King, The (1991) 6
Fly Away Home (1996) 6
Fools Rush In (1997) 6
Forever Young (1992) 6
Forever Young (1992) 6
Friday the 13th (1980) 6
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) 6
George of the Jungle (1997) 6
Gods Must Be Crazy, The (1980) 6
Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000) 6
Grand bleu, Le (1988) 6
Grease (1978) 6
Gremlins (1984) 6
Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) 6
Grumpy Old Men (1993) 6
Gummo (1997) 6
Hairspray (1988) 6
Hannibal (2001) 6
Hellraiser (1987) 6
Hocus Pocus (1993) 6
Home Alone (1990) 6
Howling, The (1980) 6
Human Traffic (1999) 6
Indecent Proposal (1993) 6
Independence Day (1996) 6
Jack (1996) 6
Jumanji (1995) 6
Jurassic Park III (2001) 6
Keeping the Faith (2000) 6
Kindergarten Cop (1990) 6
Kuffs (1992) 6
Land Before Time, The (1988) 6
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) 6
Last Starfighter, The (1984) 6
Leaving Las Vegas (1995) 6
Lethal Weapon 2 (1989) 6
Little Mermaid, The (1989) 6
Looking for Alibrandi (2000) 6
Lord of the Flies (1990) 6
Lucky Numbers (2000) 6
Malice (1993) 6
Man with Two Brains, The (1983) 6
Mannequin (1987) 6
Me, Myself & Irene (2000) 6
Meet the Feebles (1989) 6
Men in Black (1997) 6
Monkeybone (2001) 6
Moonstruck (1987) 6
Mr. Mom (1983) 6
My Girl (1991) 6
Mystic Pizza (1988) 6
Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!, The (1988) 6
Naked Lunch (1991) 6
Net, The (1995) 6
Never Say Die (1988) 6
Night of the Living Dead (1990) 6
Nightmare Before Christmas, The (1993) 6
Nine Months (1995) 6
Nutty Professor, The (1996) 6
Othello (1981/I) (TV) 6
Over the Top (1987) 6
Parenthood (1989) 6
People Under the Stairs, The (1991) 6
Phantom, The (1996) 6
Phenomenon (1996) 6
Picture Perfect (1997) 6
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) 6
Planet of the Apes (2001) 6
Poetic Justice (1993) 6
Poison Ivy (1992) 6
Practical Magic (1998) 6
Psycho (1998) 6
Re-Animator (1985) 6
Return of the Living Dead, The (1985) 6
Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991) 6
Risky Business (1983) 6
Road Trip (2000) 6
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) 6
RoboCop (1987) 6
Romancing the Stone (1984) 6
Roxanne (1987) 6
Rush Hour (1998) 6
Saint, The (1997) 6
Scary Movie (2000) 6
Scream 2 (1997) 6
Scream 3 (2000) 6
Scrooged (1988) 6
Sirens (1994) 6
Sister Act (1992) 6
Smash Palace (1981) 6
Snake Eyes (1998) 6
Spaceballs (1987) 6
Sphere (1998) 6
Splash (1984) 6
Strictly Ballroom (1992) 6
Swingers (1996) 6
Tank Girl (1995) 6
Three Amigos! (1986) 6
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995) 6
Tommy Boy (1995) 6
Top Gun (1986) 6
Toy Soldiers (1984) 6
Traffic (2000) 6
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) 6
Twins (1988) 6
Twister (1996) 6
Uncle Buck (1989) 6
Unendliche Geschichte, Die (1984) 6
Universal Soldier (1992) 6
Very Bad Things (1998) 6
Virtuosity (1995) 6
Volcano (1997) 6
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted? (1999) 6
What Women Want (2000) 6
While You Were Sleeping (1995) 6
White Fang (1991/I) 6
Witches of Eastwick, The (1987) 6
Wiz, The (1978/I) 6
Wolf (1994) 6
You’ve Got Mail (1998) 6
Zoolander (2001) 6
‘Crocodile’ Dundee II (1988) 5
American Gothic (1988) 5
American Tail, An (1986) 5
American Werewolf in Paris, An (1997) 5
Batman & Robin (1997) 5
Beethoven (1992) 5
Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) 5
Blind Fury (1989) 5
Blob, The (1988) 5
Boomerang (1992) 5
Bride of Chucky (1998) 5
Caddyshack (1980) 5
Child’s Play 2 (1990) 5
Child’s Play 3 (1991) 5
Cool Runnings (1993) 5
Coyote Ugly (2000) 5
Crocodile Dundee (1986) 5
Dangerous Minds (1995) 5
Day of the Dead (1985) 5
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999) 5
Drop Dead Fred (1991) 5
Dumb & Dumber (1994) 5
End of Days (1999) 5
Free Willy (1993) 5
Girl 6 (1996) 5
Godzilla (1998) 5
Goodbye Pork Pie (1981) 5
Half Baked (1998) 5
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998) 5
Harry and the Hendersons (1987) 5
Haunting, The (1999) 5
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) 5
House on Haunted Hill (1999) 5
Hudson Hawk (1991) 5
I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) 5
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998) 5
Jingle All the Way (1996) 5
Junior (1994) 5
K-9 (1989) 5
Langoliers, The (1995) (TV) 5
Last Action Hero (1993) 5
Lawnmower Man, The (1992) 5
Life of Brian (1979) 5
Look Who’s Talking (1989) 5
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) 5
Mars Attacks! (1996) 5
Mimic (1997) 5
Money Train (1995) 5
Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (1983) 5
Mortal Kombat (1995) 5
Multiplicity (1996) 5
Necronomicon (1994) 5
Nightmare on Elm Street, A (1984) 5
Piranha (1978) 5
Playing God (1997) 5
Poison Ivy II (1995) 5
Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986) 5
Red Planet (2000) 5
Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993) 5
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997) 5
See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989) 5
Short Circuit (1986) 5
Short Circuit 2 (1988) 5
Six Days Seven Nights (1998) 5
Sliver (1993) 5
Spawn (1997) 5
Species (1995) 5
Tango & Cash (1989) 5
Toys (1992) 5
Tremors (1990) 5
Under Siege (1992) 5
Urban Legend (1998) 5
Weekend at Bernie’s (1989) 5
Young Einstein (1988) 5
3 Men and a Little Lady (1990) 4
Amityville: A New Generation (1993) (V) 4
Amityville: Dollhouse (1996) (V) 4
Blankman (1994) 4
BMX Bandits (1983) 4
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) 4
Coneheads (1993) 4
Cool World (1992) 4
Curly Sue (1991) 4
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) 4
Look Who’s Talking Now (1993) 4
Look Who’s Talking Too (1990) 4
Masters of the Universe (1987) 4
Pest, The (1997) 4
Plump Fiction (1997) 4
Police Academy (1984) 4
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987) 4
Showgirls (1995) 4
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992) 4
Striptease (1996) 4
Virus (1999) 4
Barb Wire (1996) 3
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000) 3
Critters 3 (1991) 3
Final Destination (2000) 3
Highlander II: The Quickening (1991) 3
Mission to Mars (2000) 3
Curse of the Screaming Dead, The (1982) 1


31
May 01

The Trouble With Underwear

Puberty didn’t give me big watermelons, nor did it leave with tiny, little, beesting-like titties. I have a handful, apparently I’m not wasteful, a handful that I like to fill a bra with.

Like most women, I like lingere. I like underwear that makes me feel sexy. Strangely enough, I feel sexier in plain cotton underwear than I do wearing lacey, frilly or sheer knickers and bras. I don’t know why this is exactly, especially as it is the opposite to the general societal stereotype.

“Have you noticed how the most sensual things are always red?” excerpt from a Special K advertisement, which shows lacey lingere

I don’t care what they say, I like my underwear to be plain and functional.

Panties:

  • Must not ride up my bottom crack unless designed or instructed.
  • Must not show pubic hair through material.
  • Must always have a crotch.
  • Must not itch.
  • Must not pinch at the hips.
  • Must not have frills that show through skirts or trousers.

Brasseries:

  • Must not be padded. Fake boobies are not cool.
  • Must never have wobbly silicone inserts or be able to pump up at the click of a button.
  • Must cover erect nipples in times of southly winds and overactive air-conditioning.
  • Must not be obvious underneath clothes, ie, must not pinch fat backs.
  • Must not produce four breasts – one on the the left, one on the right, and one each on top.

I do not think these are unreasonable requests. I’m not asking for bigger boobs, new revolutionary material or butt lifting action. I’m asking for support, coverage and underwear that I don’t have to hand wash, because really, who has the time for that? The problem is, I can’t find underwear that I would be seen dead in, particularly when being pronounced dead, lying on a steel table. No one wants to die in bad underwear.

I don’t often see cotton underwear that comes in a matching set, so I assume that underwear manufacturers don’t seem to like making them. I may like my underwear to be simple, but I don’t like it to be mismatching. I want black and white cotton underwear sets. I don’t want underwear with sunflowers on them, or hearts, or lace flowers on the bust, or weird textures. I don’t want underwear that had obvious seams that make my boobs look funny. I don’t want underwear that only comes with a matching pair of granny briefs. I want plain, and I want selection. Why is that such a task?

In the last few months, I’ve been to many stores thinking I would be able to buy some of the, seemingly elusive, dream underwear. I’ve been to department stores and I’ve been to speciality underwear boutiques. I always leave empty-handed and sulky. Everything I find is fancy and gadgetful, not to mention expensive. And the worst thing about it, is that I don’t mind paying $50 for a great fitting bra, that would be, if I should ever find one that fits and isn’t terribly ugly and padded.

Is this a curse I must bear until my breasts are so saggy it doesn’t matter if I don’t wear a bra anymore? Must I be forced into wearing pushup bras forever? Will I have to wear 3 layers of clothing to work because my erect nipples are visible through my top due to the room temperature? I suppose, but I bet no one will be complaining. Nor will they be looking me in the eye.


15
Apr 01

Thoughts I Had While Watching Music Videos On The Morning Of The 15th April 2001

The following notes and random thoughts, in chronological order, were noted whilst watching a Top 20 countdown. If I could chose what music videos where in the Top 20 on public television, maybe two of these songs would be in it.

All For You – Janet Jackson

  • Janet Jackson wears a strange top in this video. One of the dancers wears jeans with one leg shorter than the other. This is weird.
  • I’ve always had a thing for Janet Jackson. She’s attractive, she has a great voice, and an insanely cute, whispery giggle. She can also dance, and secretly I wish I could dance so if I lost my job, I’d have the option of moving to America to become part of Janet Jackson’s dance troupe.

Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know – Britney Spears

  • Britney Spears has ugly hands.
  • She is looking more and more like Barbie.
  • The guy she snogs in this video is cute, you know, in a model way.
  • Her boobs don’t move when she runs. That is scary.
  • Just before the first shot of the bed, she fucks up her lip-syncing.
  • I guess she’s an okay singer though, but if anyone bought me her album, I’d try to smile and say thank you, although I probably wouldn’t.

Don’t Tell Me – Madonna

  • Madonna is constantly reinventing herself, and each time she does something different and usually succeeds. Madonna is one of the greatest female musicians alive – I mean come on, she’s been doing it for years and years, and she’s still cool. Not even Cher could do that.
  • Madonna does a sexy cowgirl dance.
  • She gets to dance with four hotties in this video. If it were me, I wouldn’t be dancing, because, I can’t dance. I’d probably just perve.
  • Madonna looks younger and younger. What’s the bet I won’t look that young when I’m her age, even if I stopped smoking.

Thank You – Dido

  • I can’t stand this song.
  • Dido has a cool haircut, but has very yellow teeth. I thought famous people whitened them on a regular basis, even semi-famous people, like Carolyn Taylor from What Now. Her teeth weren’t that white in school, I swear.
  • This video isn’t very realistic, and it pisses me off. If someone came along and demolished my house with half my stuff in it, I would be crying and screaming and going mad, and she just walks away. Oh well, it’s a shit song anyway.

My Happiness – Powerfinger

  • This video has a green tinge to it. I hope that it intentional, and it’s not my television.
  • There is scary slinky action in this video clip. The thought of slinkies moving by themselves and climbing stairs is scary.
  • I really like this song. I want to sing it everytime I hear it.
  • I love it when New Zealand and Australian songs get in the charts. There is far too much American prepackaged rubbish. More local bands (although Australia isn’t exactly local, but Americans seem to think so) should be getting in there. The only person to blame though is the 10-15 year olds who buy all the singles. Oh well.

Teenage Riot – The Ataris

  • This song is growing on me. Whenever I see it starting, I think, “Oh god, not this song again.” But then it starts, and I think, “Oh, this song isn’t so bad.” I don’t really like the whole punk/pop fused with ska sound, but yeah, anyway, not much to say about this song.

Supreme – Robbie Williams

  • Oh, Robbie. Robbie Williams is the only celebrity that I would want to meet and have a drink with. He seems funny, I dig that. Sure I do.
  • This video amuses me, as do most of his. But, I don’t really like it that much, I don’t even like the song, I just like the singer. I mostly like the stuck-in-caravan-because-of-pooing bit at the end.

Survivor – Destiny’s Child

  • I want to be in a singing group where we get to wear similar, but not quite matching outfits. Especially when famous designers make dresses for us. That would be great.
  • I wish I was black, or whatever the politically correct term is today, so I could sing like that, and not be as pale as a ghost at any given moment.
  • [Impending generalisation] Why can’t white girls sing as good as black girls? More importantly, why can I sing as good as Destiny’s Child? Nothing to dwell on, I suppose.

Ms Jackson – Outkast

  • This song, and video, rocks so hard.
  • They hired the cutest cat in the world for this video.
  • Also, a cute puppy.
  • This video makes me want to get a dog, even though I don’t really like dogs that much.
  • I’d be so pissed if lightening blew up my car. Except, that would never happen because mine is a tank.
  • I really need to buy this album.
  • Hehehe, it cracks me up when the owl says, “Forever ever?” I’m so easily amused.
  • This is another song I have to sing along to.
  • The puppy walks the wrong way up the piano. This annoys me.

There It Is – Genuwine

  • Yuck. No where near as good as Craig David.
  • Oh my god, what the hell is with the dancing bit at the end? He should just stop.

He Loves You Not – Dream

  • These girls have the worst choreographer in the history of the world. In conjunction with the likelihood that they actually can’t dance, this makes for a very bad music video indeed.

Walking Away – Craig David

  • This is the first Craig David music clip where he doesn’t have a white girl in it with him. Although, this girl is still pretty pale.
  • Ben likes the sweater that he is wearing. I agree that it is spunky.

Trouble – Coldplay

  • This song makes me feel teary. It’s sad, you know?
  • The lead singer from Coldplay looks a lot like my friend Dan. No one else seems to think so though, so it’s probably just me.
  • I want to learn how to play this song on the piano. It’s very pretty.
  • I would also like to see these guys like, but I doubt I’ll make it to Auckland for the concert in August.

Angel – Shaggy

  • I hate Shaggy, I hate Shaggy, I hate Shaggy. He’s so vulgar.
  • If he wasn’t famous, I doubt he could get hot chicks. He looks so weasely.
  • He doesn’t do much in his songs, but they all get released under his name. He talks some in his toad voice (which Ben does a brilliant impression of), then someone else sings the chorus and Shaggy goes, “Oh, oh” in his toad voice again.
  • God, this song is also number six. How depressing.

What It Feels Like For A Girl – Madonna

  • This song is my favourite song at the moment. It’s so rocking. It makes me want to shake my groove thing. Also, makes me want to drive my car fast, but it doesn’t go fast, so that’s okay.
  • I wish this wasn’t the edited version.

Butterfly – Crazy Town

  • The blonde guy is cute, in a short way. The brunette guy reminds me of Andy, if he were pop-punkrocker.
  • It’s weird how this song is such a girly song with a girly video made for crazy hippie girls who believe in faerires, and how apparently the rest of the album is really heavy. I wonder how many 16-year-old girls have bought The Gift of Game before listening to it, and been pissed off.

Noboby Wants to Be Lonely – Ricki Martin with Christina Aguleira

  • This song makes me want to vomit. So does Christina’s makeup. It’s so terrible.
  • Also terrible: Ricki’s demin shirt, his brown trousers, Christina’s black mumble pants, her white trashy top, her blonde “wig” and her makeup.
  • Back to the makeup, it’s terrible. Really terrible. She should fire her makeup artist.
  • Ricki Martin has hairy old-man’s hands.

As Long As You’re Loving Me – Vitamin C

  • This woman looks a little like Calista Flockhart. In a good way, though, if that could be taken in a good way. She’s not anorexic looking, at least.
  • This song is bad. It’s sickening, and every time it plays on the radio at work, I change the station. I have to, it will make me insane.
  • I like her hairstyle.
  • I don’t like her white pants.

I’m Like A Bird – Nelly Furtardo

  • This girl is so sexy. She’s so exotic. Penny thinks so too.
  • This song is also growing on me.

9
Apr 01

Apartment Love

Moving into your first apartment in the centre of the city is exciting. When you are a yuppie slut, such as myself, and you move into an apartment fit only for a yuppie boy and his yuppie slut, this is even more exciting.

Why one might think this apartment is great:

  1. The high ceilings
  2. The neutral coloured walls and ceiling
  3. The windows that run the length of the front room, otherwise known as the open-plan living room/kitchen
  4. The view from the aforementioned windows, which look out over my favourite alto-cinema, The Rialto, and the best museum in the world, Te Papa
  5. The brand new kitchen, complete with brand new fridge, stove with overhead fan, dishwasher and oversized bench/breakfast bar
  6. The silver ducts that hang from the ceiling, where the occasional sound of trickling water comes from
  7. The buzzer
  8. The indoor garage with remote door opener
  9. The two reasonable sized bedrooms, one which is now an office for the yuppie boy
  10. The two expensive canvas chairs in the lounge, purchased from Artikel by the yuppie boy
  11. The way the apartment makes the yuppies slut’s 29″ flatscreen television look flashy

Why one might think this apartment is not great:

  1. The loud sound that comes from the car wash across the road on a regular basis
  2. The crazy Asian junkies on the ground floor
  3. The people upstairs who have parties and play loud drum & bass at 6.30am, leading one to believe the apartment may be occupied by DJs
  4. The lack of air-conditioning – however, it is almost winter and a fan stands proudly in the living room
  5. “I have no grass to play on and no animals to try and catch!” Goblin the cat, 2001

Fuck the cat, we have a buzzer.