Tony Veitch: Media Diddle

As I’m sure everyone in New Zealand has heard, now former television sports presenter Tony Veitch assaulted his former partner Kristin Dunne-Powell in 2006, breaking her back leaving her in a wheelchair for a period of time, then paid her a large sum of hush money to keep the incident quiet.

There are two good things that came out of this incident: firstly, Veitch is no longer a smug cunt on television, secondly, at last a media personality is seemingly not going to get away with breaking the law just because he is a media personality (think Mark Ellis and Brent Todd’s drug scandal, various rugby players and violent assaults). The only problem is that with all the media coverage I am now completely sick of hearing about it, with such news-worthy articles as “Veitch’s wife strikes back” and “Ex-love stands by Tony Veitch”. Jesus Chris, stop the press already! Who really cares what one of his ex-girlfriend’s has to say, when Veitch has already admitted he assaulted Dunne-Powell?

I just hope this little debacle will give New Zealand celebrities a little bit more of a reason to stop being such diddles and start acting like the role models they are supposed to be.

A Recent Life Synopsis

A quick synopsis of my life since March:

In short, in the past few months my body stopped caring about me and I have been rather sick. It all started with a little stress from moving to Auckland, and then a wee little disc herniation to cause stabbing voodoo knives and the inability to walk. I am since able to walk, and can for the most part function again with some limitations.

But to look on the good side of life: I am enjoying Auckland; I am loving my new flat; my social life is excellent, and my BFF from forever will be in Auckland in less than two weeks. Goblin is also as cute as ever, even if she continues to shit on the floor because she poos with her ass hanging off the side of her dirt box. There is nothing more I love than to clean up warm, sloppy cat shit.

So anyway, hi. I am alive. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

* This is unconfirmed, but I am convinced this is what I have. With everything else, what’s one more thing? Next up, EBOLA!

New Apple Keyboards

Yesterday I bought one of the new Apple keyboards. It is quite possibly the sexiest piece of technology I have ever owned. It is simply beautiful, and I want to marry it, in a way that only someone with objectophilia could understand.

Just look at this photo and tell me that isn’t stunning.

The first thing I did when I opened the box was type. I typed a 2,000-word email to my best friend. Type-type-type. That is all I want to do now. I feel that with even lower profile keys than the Macally IceKey keyboard I was replacing (leaky shampoo bottle water does not make keyboards do nice things) I can type as fast as the wind. Perhaps even faster than the speed of sound! My fingers are going to break the sound barrier! If you were sitting next to me right now, you would have seen that I typed these paragraphs in mere fractions of a second and was followed closely by a sonic boom.

If Apple were smart, they would market this keyboard as one that will make you, “REPLY TO ALL EMAILS THAT YOU PREVIOUSLY COULDN’T BE FUCKED REPLYING TO!” and, “FINISH ESSAYS IN RECORD SPEED!” and, “ENJOY SENDING BORING EMAILS TO WORKMATES!” Making tedious tasks enjoyable is a brilliant marketing ploy!

Now excuse me while I organise a civil union.

Best Animated GIF Ever 2

Made Me LOL

Auckland: Initial Observations

I have officially been a JAFA for precisely 16 days now. It’s starting to feel a bit more like I actually live here, instead of how it has been feeling which is that I am housesitting for someone with all my stuff and my cat, and that I am temping in someone else’s job. It’s quite an odd feeling really, and I feel like I am going to go “home” to Wellington any day now.

Things to note:

So, I’m getting along alright up here. I miss my family and I miss Wellington (good days only), but I’m sure it won’t be too long before I start replying with “Grey Lynn” instead of “Wellington” when people ask me where I’m from.

I've Arrived

Two days of unpacking, more left to go. My room is all set up, my cat is out of the cattery, and my new job starts tomorrow. I am exhausted.